1. Different personality types
We all have different personalities in terms of who we socialise with and how we try to find common ground with others. Much depends on our attachment type and personality makeup. In general, the process can be thought of as if each of us is a piece of a puzzle and we look for other pieces (people or situations) that fit us.
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Our puzzle piece is shaped by our experiences in early childhood, as well as our relationship experiences in adulthood. It helps us interact with those who fit our needs and expectations and stay away from those who make us feel ‘unsafe’.
If our puzzle and the other person’s puzzle are opposites and don’t fit together in any way – we won’t be able to relate intimately, no matter how much we want to. Sometimes it’s just that different people’s needs, values and personal boundaries conflict with each other.
2- Affective presence
This is the name in psychology for the effect that is manifested in the feelings a person makes others around him or her feel. The company of some people naturally has a relaxing effect on us, while the company of others makes us irritated no matter what they do.
Sometimes the emotions and moods of those around us are transmitted to us as well. For example, when someone is anxious when boarding an aeroplane, we become anxious too. Or, when a person addresses us with a smile, we also smile back. This is how the mechanism of emotional contagion works. The influence of affective presence, on the contrary, is invariable: no matter whether a person is happy or sad, we always experience the same feelings around him. It is an innate property of his personality.
