There are two different words – loneliness and solitude. Both of them can describe the same state. But the former is often associated with longing and despondency, while the latter is an opportunity to rest, reboot, be alone with one’s thoughts. And then – to return to the world renewed.
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If you are not in a romantic relationship right now, you can consider that you have been given a valuable gift – a pause for solitude. It’s worth taking advantage of it and learning things that will make your life brighter.
1- Understand yourself better and see what you really value
When you are together with your partner, most of your thoughts, emotions and actions are directed towards maintaining the relationship. You make common plans and think about the interests of the couple as a unit. In such a situation, it is possible to overlook your own priorities and not notice when they become different.
Sometimes there is just not enough time to listen to your thoughts, immerse yourself in emotions and understand what is important at this stage of life just for you.
Being alone, or living solo, is a great time to get to know your current self better.
That is, to understand what will be valuable to you now, both in relationships and in life in general.
For example, in the past, the main thing was that a close person without talking and unnecessary questions could support any of your adventures. You saw this as acceptance and trust. And you were happy if on Friday night it occurred to you that it would be nice to go somewhere for the weekend, and a couple of hours later you were already sitting in the car and booking online accommodation where you can relax and walk around beautiful places.
And now you’re more interested in long, intimate conversations. Or walks together, when you can hold hands and not talk about anything.
You can also reconsider your life priorities. For example, you used to need to go travelling every year. But now, listening to yourself, you find that you want to stay home and do something completely new. For example, volunteer or start actively learning an unfamiliar language.
It’s worth being alone to listen to yourself. And better understand what you want from life and from relationships in the future.
2. Build a life the way you like it
The previous point was about strategic goals and important life values, and this one is about daily routine.
As a rule, a couple has a common way of life. It is often based on compromises: the partners cook the dishes they both like and play music that does not annoy either of them.
But if no one lives in the flat except you, you can only follow your own rules.
For example, have a dinner of ice cream with berries. Walk around the flat in the same underwear or without it at all. On weekends in the morning turn on heavy rock or your favourite ethnomusic and not be afraid to wake anyone up. Or vice versa: sleep until almost lunchtime, and then go to the nearest cafe. Or maybe make delicious cheesecakes that you haven’t made in a thousand years because your previous partner couldn’t stand cottage cheese.
It is worth listening to your desires and body signals. And understand how to organise your life to make you feel comfortable. Maybe you’ll find needs you didn’t know you had before. Or simply long forgotten. Living solo is a great time to take care of yourself.
